If You Were Gay
by serty
Summary: Flash sings a little Song to Batman. Songfic, Slash, MaleMale, Implied Sex.


Title: If You Were Gay

Pairing: Batman/Flash

Warning: Look out folks not only is it slash but its musical slash!

Disclaimer: I don't own the DC boys or the wonderful lyrics (though I wish I did) to Avenue Q's song.

Summary: Flash sings to Batman about being gay...Thats it...No really, thats it.

Batman read over the last months crime report in the Watch Tower's private screening room. As he scrolled over the moniter's visiuals and edited the text on several reports on the Russian mafia he took a minute to truely enjoy the silence of the room. Sitting here reading and getting some actual work done for a change in this now hero-swarmed too-busy space station Bruce sighed quietly in relief. Fleetingly he thought that things couldn't get any better then this...

"Oh, hi Batz!"

'Spoke to soon...' The brooding hero winced a little at the annoying voice calling from the doorway. "Hello Flash."

The super speedster zoomed in the room circling the large mech computer his commrade was using with a large goofy grin on his face. "Hey Bruce! You'll never guess what happened to me on the subway today!" The red blur chortled. Batman tried to engross himself in his work and ignore whatever joke the quick hero was trying to elude to. "I can't imagine." Bruce muttered while typing some small but important detail about Mob Boss X into the computer's database.

Flash stopped behind the moniter leaning over it with his arms folded ontop. "This guy---was smiling at me...and talking to me...he was being reaaaaaaaal friendly!" Here Wally winked at his broody friend. The Dark Knight just kept typing. "Thats hardly interesting Flash." Batman muttered.

"Yeah but, I think he was coming on to me!" Flash grinned widely. "I think he thought I was gay!" Batman's fingers nearly (NEARLY) skipped a beat on his keyboard. Looking up from the interesting world of crime to the decidedly uninteresting world of Wally's sex life Bruce stared blankly at his friend. "Flash why are you telling me this?"

Wally shrugged innocently and started to race around the room again. "No reason Bats. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about." Flash smirked down at the now slightly ruffled dark hero. Batman turned back to his work determined to ignore the red blur now zooming around him. "It is. But not right now. Conversation over."

Flash pouted slowing down behind Bruce's chair. "Yeah but Bruce--"

"Over." Batman grunted shifting a little closer to the keyboard typing furiously. Wally stood behind his buddy in heroics and smirked. Quietly he walked right behind Batman's seat and placed his hands on his touchy friend's shoulders. "Well okay...but just so you know..."

_"If you were gay..."_

Batman did mis-type something then.

_"That would be okay!"_

Bruce tried to turn and swat Flash away but he was already gone and grinning behind the computer.

_"I mean cause' hey!..ha!...I like you an-y-way!"_

Batman stood to leave. This was ridiculous and he didn't have to take it. Flash zoomed infront of him barely a hairs bredth between them. Bruce stumbled back. Apparently he wasn't going anywhere.

_"Because you see...if it were meeeeeeee! I would feel free to say...that I was gay!"_

The Dark Knight clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. This was going way past just being a nuisinces and Batman had a feeling Flash was aware of that.

_"But I'm-Not-Gay!"_

Wally then suddenly stepped aside giving Bruce a gap to leave the room with. As he walked towards the door the brooding hero tried to calm himself down. Flash was just bored probably or wanted to talk despite the fact that Batman was busy. The Dark Knight tried to be understanding so as he left the room he spoke. "Wally please, I am trying to get some work done--" The red blur once again blocked his way out this time standing even closer then before. At first nothing happened. Flash just stood there staring at Batman with that unnerving grin of his. Finally it was too much and Batman snapped. "What?!"

_"If you were queer!"_

This was getting weird.

_"I'd still be here!" _

"Flash let me out--"

_"Year after Yeaaaaaaaaar!" _

"Flash this is---"

"_Because you're Dear-To-Me!"_

Batman snarled with frustration "Flash if you--!" Wally cut him off by sticking his nose right into Bruce's face and poking him in the chest with his finger.

_"And I know that you! Would respect me tooooooooo! If I told you today"_

Flash smiled wide pitching his voice high like a girls. Batman begain to suspect Wally had been taken over by some alien entity or drugged.

_"Hey guess what? I'm gay! But-I'm-Not-Gay!"_

The red Flash threw an arm around Batman's shoulder grinning like a mad man. Bruce tried to back away but found he had no where left to run now that they stood in the wide opening just before the door way.

_"I'm happy just being with youuuuuuu!" _

Batman flinched at that and quietly thanked the heavens that his mask covered the top part of his cheeks which were now slightly crimson. Flash didn't notice continuing to sing and enjoy the closeness of his 'friend'. He winked at the brooding hero smirking playfully.

_"So what do I care...what you do-in-bed-with-guys!"_

Batman stiffened. "Look Flash I--" But Wally wouldn't hear it. "Theres nothing wrong with that Bats come on! Lighten up!"

_"If you were gay!"_

Flash spun them both around leaving Bruce a little dizzy until he had to put an arm on Wally just to keep his balance. That made the speedster grin and chuckle as he wrapped his own arms around his friend.

_"I'd shout HURRAY!!! And here I'd stay!! But I wouldn't get In-You're-Way!"_

Batman growled and tried to take a swing at Flash with his free hand only to have the punch dodged and his fist caught effortlessly. Wally didn't let go of the fist only intwined Bruce's fingers with his before starting a little cheap dance around smiling widely at his pissed off friend.

_"You can count on me...to always beeeeeeee! BESIDE YOU EVERYDAY! TELLING YOU ITS OKAY!!! YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY!! AND AS THEY SAY ITS IN YOUR DNA!!! You're gaaaay!!!"_

Batman tore himself away from the quickster but not fast enough to evade the light brush of Flash's lips against his. Bruce stumbled back looking up at his fellow hero bewildered. Wally stood alittle awkwardly looking back down at Bruce sheepishly grinning. Finally Wally just shrugged at his friend blushing redder then his super suit. "Sorry." He muttered before turning to leave.

_"if you were gay."_

Wally made it to just outside the door before a strong arm yanked him back into the screening room and a commanding voice used its alpha clearance to seal the door shut. Over the next three hours several members of the Justice League called up to J'onn in opts to ask was someone watching porn in the locked off room. J'onn very stiffly would refuse to comment.

The End


End file.
